Self exploration, as is often the case for queer identifiers, is an integral part to discovering one's own needs and desires. And while it stands true that a majority of our sexualities have likely been expressed and explored through a skewed lense, it is our relationships with our own bodies that ultimately dictate those perceptions. Furthermore, there is the ultimately dangerous trend of centering others as the starting point of attraction as opposed to oneself, and the push from sex positivity for ourselves. Herein lies the issue and hence a need for the conversational shift toward self; self exploration, self pleasure, and more importantly, self attraction.
To turn the lense on myself for a moment, my self exploration was repressed for the better part of my formative and adolescent years. The concept of sexuality or exploring my own body was never introduced nor expanded on, and quickly suppressed were the idea ever broached. In other words, I was left in the dark about my own body for a number of years. As time went on and my curiosity peaked, I, slowly but surely, took those first steps to lay rest to the shame and fear I felt toward wanting to learn about my body. So I began the journey to discovering my body. Through it, I discovered myself at my rawest, most vulnerable form. I discovered my most intimate parts and my body’s needs had once felt deviant to me, a shameful secret. I discovered masturbation.
Everything seemed and felt so foreign. I didn’t think to scour online resources or the not so handy and non-LGBTQIA+ friendly sex ed pamphlets in my local clinic to make sense of all and everything. Thus, so continued the countless awkward nights and and misdirections of my hands until I ultimately experienced the first of many orgasms. It was exhilarating, confusing, exhausting. It felt pure, innocent, wild, free. My body felt like love.
I wanted to go deeper. Explore my wants and test my own limits. Thus, I ventured into the world of sex toys. Admittedly, I had my reservations. Apart from not knowing where to start, I cringed at the prospect of having others know I had divulged myself in that way. I realized I was still approaching this world with the same mindset I had approached masturbation, with. With research on hand, and an eager step, I purchased and experienced my first vibrator at a local LGBTQIA+ friendly sex shop. The outcome? Sweaty, exhausted, on a high like never before, and short $10. After the first few nights spent loving my body into a stupor, I knew I had made the right decision.
Having become akin to that of kid in a candy store has, the introduction of sex toys has been both educational and exciting.
What I’ve learned? I’m a gal on a budget. Hence, quality, affordability, accessibility, and the overall buyer experience being my main points when on the hunt for toys. A recent addition to my collection, courtesy of Lust For Her, an online LGBTQIA+ catered and sex-positive platform that not only hits the points I mentioned earlier, but mirrors my belief in empowering queer women, is the Broad City Yas Kween 10 Function Bullet.
Apart from the fact that the bullet has a cute and non-threatening appeal (it does read Yas Kween) it's sized perfectly for direct clit stimulation. Being quite the fan of vibrators, I felt I was "experienced" going in. But with the bullet having 3 speeds and 7 settings, I didn't exactly know what to expect during.
As with most new toys, I wanted to get a feel for all it had to offer. The first speed, first being the lowest, third being the fastest, I likened to the saying, "Slow and steady wins the race." In other words, a calm build to an orgasm. The second speed could be likened to slightly aggressive teasing with added pressure and a different setting, one of which consists of a leg-twitching "stop and go" pattern. Now the third speed, or nympho speed as I have dubbed it, is back arching, enticing, and a bit craze inducing. First, the bullets added bonus of the teasing "stop-and-go" patterns made for a night where loving my body to a numbed and heart pumped daze felt like a love letter by me, for me.
My thoughts? This vibrator is a NEED. Take away the sheer cuteness of the toy. Take away dedication to quality and affordability that Lust For Her products provides to its audience. Take away the dedication Lust For Her takes to empowering sex positivity in queer spaces. Take away the fact that the product is sent in discreet packaging with no clear indication of its contents (privacy can be a luxury at times) with minimal shipping times. Take away all of that, and I'm still left cumming back for more.
To finish off, know that in a world where the very exploration of our most intimate parts is demonized, it is in all intents and purposes, a revolutionary act of self-love.
Life is an endless process of self-discovery.